A year ago today I started my journey to beat Anorexia Nervosa. It has been everything but easy. But they say, if you feel like shit and want to give up, you’re doing it right. I wasted multiple years of my life devoting myself to this disorder. I remember the countless summers I would just stay home and isolate myself than hang out with my friends. Just because there may be a chance they go out to eat. But, no more. Kiss my fucking ass Anorexia. I refuse to let you control me any longer. I will not miss the crying over a pound, stomach aches, being cold, being pale, and fainting. Four hospital admissions is enough for me. Even though I was recovering you still managed to take things away from me too. I spent Thanksgiving, Christmas & New Years in a residential facility. You stole what were to be special memories for me, that I will never get back. I will be dammed if you waste one more fucking minute of my life.

A year ago today I started my journey to beat Anorexia Nervosa. It has been everything but easy. But they say, if you feel like shit and want to give up, you’re doing it right. I wasted multiple years of my life devoting myself to this disorder. I remember the countless summers I would just stay home and isolate myself than hang out with my friends. Just because there may be a chance they go out to eat. But, no more. Kiss my fucking ass Anorexia. I refuse to let you control me any longer. I will not miss the crying over a pound, stomach aches, being cold, being pale, and fainting. Four hospital admissions is enough for me. Even though I was recovering you still managed to take things away from me too. I spent Thanksgiving, Christmas & New Years in a residential facility. You stole what were to be special memories for me, that I will never get back. I will be dammed if you waste one more fucking minute of my life.

twerking-amporas

d0g-p4rk:

d0g-p4rk:

This is something I’ve thought about doing for a week or two now, but I’ve finally got up the courage to do it.

I have spent my 16 years on this earth hating my body. I mean that statement to its full extent. I have spent countless hours crying, angry, and depressed. I have tried weight loss pills, diets, I even starved myself for 2 days straight and had an amount of time where I ate only between 400-500 calories per day. I have self harmed myself more times than I can count in the past 4 years. This is the first time I have come out and admitted to these things.

I have always wondered why. I never understood how some larger girls can love themselves and post pictures of themselves in bikinis and write statuses about how much they love their body. If they could love their body, why couldn’t I?

I also would try to find the root of my problems. Was it me? Or was it the things I have been told and seen since I was little, i.e only skinny magazine models, all teen celebrities being skinny with the stereotypical “perfect” features, being told that I needed to lose weight since a very young age, etc.

I have decided that I CAN love myself. It’s not a matter of whether I can or can’t, it’s a matter of if I will try hard enough and do little things each day to help myself love me a little bit more.

So here is where I put and end to my self hatred. I will no longer cry, cut and burn myself, not where outfits I love because I’m “too fat”, or stare at those photoshopped models for hours on end, longing for their bodies. I will not let the image of “only thin girls can be loved” define me any further. I will not count on someone else’s love to feel loved and accepted, because I have the ability to love and accept myself.

My name is Jessica, I weigh 220 pounds. I have stretch marks as dark as the night sky. I have cuts and burns all along my arms and thighs. I have poop brown eyes, crazy curly and thick hair, and huge thighs. I have big feet, a big tummy and dark circles under my eyes. I don’t need makeup to cover my face to be beautiful. I don’t need to wear a certain type of clothing because I’m large. But most of all, I don’t need to hate myself.

And neither do you! You’re body is beautiful. It doesn’t matter if you’re big like me, or extremely skinny, or anywhere in between. Every aspect of you is beautiful. You have a beautiful mind, and once you love yourself, you will be loved by others. Do not let your appearance hold you back, because you need to do what makes you happy, and don’t take anyone’s shit.

I’m beautiful, and so are you. I challenge you to post a picture of your body. Celebrate you, because you’re great and you deserve it!

I actually posted this very early in the morning (i think about 2am?) and i thought i was going to regret it when i woke up but i am actually still so glad i did

i’ve gotten so many kind messages, thank you all<3